People Pleasers
Dr Mouhiba Jamoussi
10/12/20241 min read
It’s not always easy to explain people pleasing. We think we can make others, and ourselves, happier, we actually hide ourselves from them, and do not let them know who we actually are.
People pleasing is one of these intriguing questions. Indeed, what could make one prioritize others’ needs over their own? People-pleasers tend to say yes and to agree, often claiming it’s easier, ends endless arguments and avoids inevitable conflicts.
Really? When you try to please others, against your own interest or wish, are you serving anyone? You are certainly not serving yourself, and you are hiding your true self, your values, and your preferences.
In an attempt to please others, people pleasers end up actually lying to them. This often happens on a first date, or when applying for a job. But a people pleaser often speaks of constantly “lacking the courage,” of not doing or being as they please.
People pleasers are likely to prioritize others’ wishes, comfort, and wellbeing, often at the expense of theirs. This often means refusing to confront, and avoiding to enter into conflict even when it seems inevitable—not “fight” but “flight” or “freeze.”
While the trigger of people pleasing might be avoiding confrontation, or wishing to be admired, the people pleaser may find that the unexpected consequence is that the others do not appreciate their silence, or find the conversation with them quite boring.
What about just being ourselves: authentic, transparent, frank? Simple, isn’t it? Even if it’s not, it is much simpler than saying yes when we wish to say no, and agreeing when actually totally disagreeing. Why risk to run into real trouble when we can just freely express ourselves?
Do share your thoughts and feelings concerning people pleasing.
Our next post on people pleasing will go deeper into its roots, its effect on people pleasers, and its impact on those supposed to ‘benefit’ from it.